What is your opinion of this poem i wrote?
When the wind blows
When the wind blows,
Do you still feel my kiss
On your forehead
Where I left it?
Do you still smell my scent
Touching your cheek
Where you smelled it?
As the grass grows
And the seasons melt,
Do you feel my presence
Behind you, where I left it?
Do I still resonate,
Through your bones and soul
Where I’d project it?
When the wind blows,
And the grass grows,
And the fire glows,
That kiss is still fresh,
Cool in the breeze
Just the ghost of me,
With you, where I left it.
i like how the direction of the poem is very straightforward. The rhythm is good, and punctuated subtly by some loose rhymes.
A simple suggestion from me is for you play with the visual structure of the poem, and make the slightly drifty quality of the narrative come through for the reader visually.
ee cummings and Rod McKuen often employ such techniques to good effect.
Having said all that, nice work.
Soy Breeze Tarts/Candles HAUL
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